Talking about Rambo actually made me LESS masculine

Are you guys aware of the new Rambo? It is simply incredible. It is literally a movie about people exploding. I watched that movie and my penis grew 3 inches by the time I walked out.

Here's an example of why Rambo is the most masculine movie of all time: At one point Rambo makes a machete and then uses that machete to cut some dude's head off. 

Rambo's arms are so big that wearing long sleeves is simply not an option.

This is the BEST unintentional comedy of the past 5 years.

Anyway, last night I was at a bar talking about the various masculine things that Rambo did over the course 90 minutes when--unbeknownst to me--some large dude came up to my friend Katie and asked to use her phone. When she said no to him he hit her. 

I missed all of this. I missed my opportunity to Rambo-out on some dude (Rambo rips a guy's throat out with his bare hands).

The moral of this story is don't let Rambo get in the way of your everyday life. I think. I think that's the moral. Maybe the moral is that you should rip out someone's throat with your bare hands.