Talking about Rambo actually made me LESS masculine

Are you guys aware of the new Rambo? It is simply incredible. It is literally a movie about people exploding. I watched that movie and my penis grew 3 inches by the time I walked out.

Here's an example of why Rambo is the most masculine movie of all time: At one point Rambo makes a machete and then uses that machete to cut some dude's head off. 

Rambo's arms are so big that wearing long sleeves is simply not an option.

This is the BEST unintentional comedy of the past 5 years.

Anyway, last night I was at a bar talking about the various masculine things that Rambo did over the course 90 minutes when--unbeknownst to me--some large dude came up to my friend Katie and asked to use her phone. When she said no to him he hit her. 

I missed all of this. I missed my opportunity to Rambo-out on some dude (Rambo rips a guy's throat out with his bare hands).

The moral of this story is don't let Rambo get in the way of your everyday life. I think. I think that's the moral. Maybe the moral is that you should rip out someone's throat with your bare hands.

Cloverfield

Saw Cloverfield yesterday. I'm sure everyone knows what it's about. A giant monster attacks New York. It's a re-imagining of the Godzilla situation, only instead of a man in a big lizard suit it's pimped out in the latest CGI effects. I really enjoyed it. It had a some great suspense scenes. It's not campy or corny in anyway, which I appreciated. For such an outlandish plot it really felt realistic--well, as realistic as it could be. 

I don't want to ruin anything for those who haven't seen it, but one of the biggest problems I had with it was that they gave us a good look at the monster. I know that this wont be the popular consensus for most audience goers, but I thought the monster was much cooler/scarier when seen in small doses. 

I guess it goes without saying that this type of movie requires a willing suspension of disbelief. The main character's motivation for wanting to venture through Manhattan while it's being demolished by a giant beast is just plain stupid, but without it there wouldn't be much of a movie, would there? 

Anyways. I really enjoyed it. 3 1/2 out of 4 stars.

Ice cream is giving my stomach a stern talking-to.

Thought I'd be clever and sneak some ice cream into my already calorie-laden lifestyle. Boy was that a mistake. I was considering going on the master cleanse, but I think this may do the trick. Right? Right? Am I right? 

The filmmakers of Meet the Spartans

The filmmakers of Meet the Spartans have definitely seen movies before and are certainly aware of pop culture.

I'm nervous that a gay man will be mad at me.

So this gay horror magazine or website of some sort wants to review the movie that Adam Deyoe and I made called Yeti: A Love Story and interview us. The problem is that he probably thinks that Adam and I are gay. I don't want to upset him. I don't want to mislead him. I do want to get interviewed and have our movie reviewed. 

I am not homophobic that I know of. I just don't want to misrepresent myself and be dishonest.

This feels like it could be the plot for the sequel to I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry.

This is a web-log.

Last night I played poker with Thom, Craig, Sam, and Josh. I did not win. This is not a surprise to me. I started off pretty strong but then I relapsed into my nasty tendency to stop paying attention/caring once we've been playing for a couple of hours. I do not recommend this strategy.

Sam and Thom introduced me to Samuel Adam's Black Lager and it was delicious. I went to the store to find some but settled for Guinness Draught in 14.9 fl oz. cans. I am looking forward to having one, though I have my therapist appointment at 6 pm and would feel like a total dong-a-long if I went in smelling like a 14.9 fl oz Guinness.

Other things I am looking forward to doing today: Eating a turkey sandwich with a side of chicken tortilla soup from Fresh 'n Easy. Perhaps I will eat some celery sticks along with it. That would be nice.

I am trying to lose some of the fat I've accumulated over the past few years. I was doing a great job of eating well/going to the gym, but then I fell of the wagon pretty hard when I went home. I would like to blame my mom for this for making giant meals of cheese-centric entrees, and my friends for encouraging me to drink the large amounts of beer, and the snow for forcing me to stay inside and drink large amounts of beer by myself, but really we all know it is my fault. I have the metabolism of a 60 year old woman.

Going to punky reggae party tonight. I'm going to try to get Jess to drive because I can't dance without a few drinks. If I have to drive I will probably just sulk and nurse a couple whiskey on the rocks.

I'll let you all know the status of my driving/not driving situation.

I saw There Will Be Blood the other day and feel like an asshole for not liking it as much as everyone else. Maybe I should see it again. I liked it. I'd even go as far as to say I liked it a lot. I just didn't love it.  Does this make me a dumb person? I'd like to think that I'm not a dumb person, but maybe I'm wrong. That is a strong possibility.